Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
