i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
