there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
