My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
