i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
