I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
