dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
