Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
