my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
