I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
