haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
