Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
