also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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