One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
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I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
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Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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