Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
