Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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