"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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