My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
