I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
