since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
