I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
