I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
