If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
