It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
