It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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