I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
