girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
