note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
