I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
