The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
