I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
