you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
