I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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