So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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