i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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