so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
