I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
