I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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