good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
