I want to make a zoo with you.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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