im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
