apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
