hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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