Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
