I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
