He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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