In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
People in love make me want to vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize