I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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