oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
