yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
