Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
