do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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