That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
