No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
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Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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