fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
