tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize