I'm going to jail i love you
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize