He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
