My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The best revenge is premature balding
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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