You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
