I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
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Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
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Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
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