new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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