I wish my penis had an off switch
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
