I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
