We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
