i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
