Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
