we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
