ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
