Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
