How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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