you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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