I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
