I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
