I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
