you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
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I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
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Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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