"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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