I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
