no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
