Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
