theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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