She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
