Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
