do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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