Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
