Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
