Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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