I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
