Cold hands, warm shart.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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